Went for my school awards evening yesterday, and thank god i dint just win a merit award b'cuz i would have gone home depressed! LoL, I got an award for Psychology, promoting psychology in action, and best A/AS level results (A,A,B,B) ! Now that was amazing, i had no idea people failed that bad! LoL, guess i'm good at what i do!
Anyways, with the joyous contentment of achievement, also came the doughting uncertainty of the prospect of University...It was a bitter sweet night for me.
My award in psychology didnt suprise me, i knew even before they read out my name, because i love it, it is my favourite subject...almost like a calling. I would actually love to do it in university, a course in applied psychology with politics or something, but what would i do with that degree? Especially if i come back to live in East Africa. It seems like a dead end. Infact almost all my possible university choices seem like dead ends if i come back to live and work here. so maybe the question boils down to whether i really want to come back to live here, back to the mother land...
Deep down i know i have to, whether i want to or not. The truth is no other country, especialy European, really want us. All their policies on immigration etc all seem to be focused around deterring Africans from living there in the long run. plus i dont see why i have to run to the white man's land to look for my destiny, for a better way of life, cause that would mean that they've won...I feel obliged to live in Africa, and take part in its struggle from the bondage of the white man ( I believe Africa is big enough to sustain its self if we all work together, we dont need help from the white man, they've helped enough...helped themselves that is-but thats another story for another day)...despite this sense of burning duty, i feel i'm helpless, plus i gotta break free from my personal bondage first before i can help free Africa from hers. I want my University experience to be one of self discovery, of enlightenment...but i also want it to equip me with skills i can use practicaly in the real world, skills that will help me use the best of my resources, make money, gain status and security, i want to be affluent. I want to come out of Uni and create employment, not look for a job, and generate money fast. My problem is that these tend to clash. I dont know what course can fit all these requirements, so i have to pick one and compromise the other. Im in a dilemma, at the cross roads of my life and dont want to mess up by picking the wrong course and take the long route to reach my self actualisation/ fullest potential/ purpose in life/ what ever you would call it!
I need advise.
And not the "what-you-would-do-if-you were-in-my-position" advise, b'cuz your not me! I'm not you! plus that advise tends to be selfish...people always trying to live through you, and tell you to do law or whatever just cause you can and they never got the chance to, so they feel like they can live their dreams through you. I want the "best-possible-option-for-me-in-my-current position" advise, considering all of the above...Is that too much to ask for? i know we all human and selfish by nature, but i need some wise insightful advise desperately. I need a holy intervention!