Friday, June 26, 2009

Jacko finally dead!

So i'm guessing y'all already heard about Micheal Jackson...

yeah, he finaly kicked the bucket. Honestly, i'm surprised he lived till 50! damn! but it was about time, dude was like the living outta touch with reality, he currently looked like a corpse, tryna steal young boy's childhood cause he didnt have one, showing up in court in PJ's...dude was losing it. he's better off dead! Just hope it wasnt like viagra or something that caused his cardiac aresst! LoL

Now, I'm not hating, just being real. I liked his music, definatly has some classics, like waaaay back then, but i cant honestly say i've listened to his music of recent! have you? Dont lie, when was the last time you listened to MJ (radio doesnt count)...yeah, thats what i thought. So i dont feel like calling him the 'greatest ever', when i didnt think that yesterday, just cause he died!

The truth is, MJ died looong ago. it all startd around age 5 when he decided to become white. I've never honestly really connected with his music. he is(was) only the king of pop offence. Pop is flaky music, you just dance and click your fingers to it, not like its he deep or purposeful. (Hell, even the queer Elton john said more than MJ!!)
Anyways, he sure did create a stir, i'll give him props for that, and he revolutionised dance, music videos, and the style of pop music back then...but he aint the only one. Saying he's "THE greatest musicain ever" is a serious hype.

well, musically (which is the only way i respect MJ) this whole dead thing is really good publicity! Think about it, he will now move from "legend" to an "Icon", a level you can only reach when your dead. Also, there will be no more wacko stories about him molesting young boys, he will be immortalised as "The King Of Pop" and everyone will over look the pedophile, race traitor, mentally unstable faggot he truely was. it was the best possible career move.
BTW Did he ever do his last show ever yet? the one in UK i think?...could he even still dance or sing? (no offence again...just saying)

And its funny people should say stuff like, 'he's joined Tupac and Biggie in a better place' because they proberbly in hell! LoL! Seriously, Biggie did even say himself:

"When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodiesDressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies..."

and i doubt there's a separate heaven for musicians, which is based on how good you were, or how many records you sold. Infact i suspect most of those proclaimed semi-gods we call celebrities dont end up in the best of places. If you believe in such state that he was already dead when paramedics found him, even though they took him to hospital and tried to revive him. i doubt its possible to pray for mercy while having a heart attack. Just saying.

I know its proper to show respect for the dead, so regardless, R.I.P Jacko

P.S. I wonder what his corpse would look like after a while? would it turn black again? LoL, didnt he have to have recent medication to maintain his white skin or something?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Rape me

Rape me
Rape me, my friend
Rape me
Rape me again

am i the only one .IIIII [3x]
am i the Only one...

Hate me
Do it and do it again
Waste me
Rape me, my friend

am i the only one .IIIII [3x]
am ithe Only one...

My favorite inside source
I'll kiss your open sores
I appreciate your concern
You're gonna stink and burn

Rape me
Rape me, my friend
Rape me
Rape me, again

am i the only one ?, IIIII [3x]
am i the Only one?...

Rape me! (Rape me!)[8x]
Rape me!
One of my favorite Nirvana songs.

Been listening to them alot recently, its nice to listen to your old music, the CD's at the back of your CD case that you used to be at the front a few years ago. Somehow it doesn’t sound the same as it did, despite how many times you've listened to certain songs, it somehow always has new meaning, especially when you take a good long while before you listening to it again. (This only applies to good music though, and not blond wigged pop stars, they shall always be as shallow and cheesy every single time you listen to them.

Anyways, i've particularly been drawn to Rape Me of recent. Then, it used to be about virginity..."Am I the only one? i-i-i-i-i I'm i the only one?!" LoL! Now its about how manipulative those you call your friends are. I've suddenly realised how most people i call friends, arnt really friends. okay they are, but in the most shallow-est degree. Like Kurt Cobain at the time he wrote this, i've been feeling raped. Not just by those i call friends, but by life too. Some shit that has happened has left me feeling fucked, used abused and discarded.

Okay perhaps not as badly as it happened to Kurt but i can relate.

"Hate me, Do it and do it again, Waste me, Rape me, my friend"

Like Kurt i'm not pitying myself neither am i asking 4 pity, in a way i'm used to it. life is a bitch, she has her moments sometimes, but most time she just fucks with you! so what the hell, 'do it and do it again'.

I know that part about my favorite inside source is about how the media fucked him up, but to me it also means how the people closest to you are like 'an inside source' they are in a position to seriously expose you, they relish your vulnerability and insecurities "...kiss your open sores" and use those to really poke at you. those that are evil at least. and most people are, just to varying extents.

Perhaps i'm just in a really anti social mood, but it seems like everyone is a rapist...

some friend recently sent me a text like "I really want you, blah blah blah" and he ment it sexually, but thought it was funny or charming or sexy, i dunno. i felt so violated. wtf, sexually wanting me doesn’t mean shit to me! It might as well have been coming from a boda boda guy! I’ve totally re-evaluated our friendship, and he’s just another rapist.

Then yesterday, I was mingling with some guys, made an innocent enough comment about sex, and then this dude makes some loud comment about how i'm just “flaunting my 18-ness” and tryna act and get involved in adult things, said it in a really harsh way and i felt embarrassed. He was right I suppose, but I felt like he forcefully took a part of me (my so called“18-ness”) and exposed it. He didn’t have to do that.
(And now apparently i discover that limewire has created a hole in my firewall, for the whole wide web to fuck me through if they please! eish...thanx babis 4 lettin me know)

Perhaps I was asking for it..."Rape me" when women wear provocative sexually suggestive things and some guys use that to justify the rape.

Perhaps I’m just vulnerable at the moment.

Perhaps its this damn menstrual cycle!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The coin with the silver lining...

The car slowed as it reached the junction, waiting for the traffic light to turn Green. She looked over to her daughter, seated beside her in the front, and noticed she looked uncomfortable. As she began to inquire what was wrong, she followed her daughters gaze; that’s when she noticed the miniscule scrawny hands extended to her, slightly cupped together, the beggar’s gesture. She slightly held her breath and quickly fumbled over the buttons that pulled up the car windows.

“I hate these beggar children!” she exclaimed with a grimace. Her face screwed up out of edgy unease rather than anger. The sight of the malnourished tattered street children, some as young as two, struck deep in her. It hurt her. Made the car, the clothes, the lifestyle she and her family had seem obscene in comparison. Yet she knew there were much richer, right here, like the overweight lady in the Cream Mercedes in front of them, flashing her golden bangles and rings that draped her oversized hand that was crocked out of the car window. Or the man in the dark suite, laughing loudly on his blackberry in the car that towered behind them.
They seemed oblivious to the half naked begging child. It reminded them too much of the poverty they desperately escaped. The poverty they knew too well. So they conveniently avert their eyes. Roll up their windows to shut them out, at least for a while, until the traffic moved again.

But no matter how high the car, despite tightly sealed tinted windows and loud music over the car radio, they were unable to shut out the nagging yet faint voices of the beggars. “Mama…mama…aunty…lukumi…aunty…lukumi…”

Young and unexposed to the harshness of life, her daughter pleaded; “Mum, just give them 500 shillings…please, he’ll go away…just a single coin”. If she wouldn’t do it for the beggar child, she would do it for her daughter. To ease the discomfort from her face; it wasn’t making the situation any easier to deal with either. After all, what did she care what the street urchin did with the money. He could go buy drugs for all she cared; at least he would be able to escape his godforsaken existence just for a little while.

So she pulled her large Gucci bag to her laps and scratched for a coin in her purse, amongst large 20 and 50 thousand notes. She eventually pulled out a 200 shilling coin. That would do. As she began to roll down her window slowly, the street child became excited at her response. She had heard his pleas. He began to grab for the single simmering coin.The coin with a silver lining. His heightened reaction stuck panic in her, the feel of his boney, grimy fingers on her lotioned hand made her jump. She spastically tossed the coin.

It flew over the boys head and struck the ground in the middle of adjacent road. Increased heart beat made her deaf to her daughters screams, as he scrambled for it, on hands and bare feet, it struck. Like a single heart beat. Then speed off, departing with his life, flinging his bloody body to the side pavement. He lay, lifelessly limp, a dirty bundle covered in capitalist shit, clutching the shiny coin to his chest.

The man in the car behind began hooting impatiently at them.
The light had turned Green.

WRITERS NOTE: Decided to write something a little longer than my short poems...i guess i have more time on my hands these days. I didnt know where to blog this, but i figured 'in the middle' would be appropriate, after all, its about art...and stuff. lol. But since it looks odd there because its more text than that page is used too, i shall post it here too. Why? because i can. (and witnessed a similar occurance, but less graphic...hence it can apply to my "real life blog")


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Done. What now??

Graduated on Friday!
Officially done with high school!! YaY!
Although I’ve been in the same bloody school since primary, (I’m certain this has had irreversible negative effects on my socio-psychological wellbeing, but I’m yet to figure out what exactly) I am grateful for having had the chance to finish basic schooling, especially in an international school. I was literally counting down the days to graduation, now that I’m done, I don’t really know how to feel...I thought it was gonna be happening, mad crazy fun times, yet on Thursday night, I felt depressed.

Not that I really enjoyed school, but it was a constant in my life. Now without class or exams, I don’t really know what to do with myself. To make it worse don’t really know where I’m going. I know by this point I should but I still don’t, and knowing that is further adding to my panic! I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind. The biggest issue being:

Ideal in theory, but in real life its damn complicated! I know what I want to do, a course in media art and design that takes the more practical side. Animation, film, an aspect of entrepreneurship, hopefully shall lead me to advertising.
Okay what then: Where? If I could go anyplace I would want to go to Chicago or California (Just because i've always wanted to go there, lol), but failed to find the course I want in the universities there. Also that mean I have to sit SAT’s and possibly TOFFEL, and I’m so done with tests, especially maths! Plus its bloody expensive, especially for my mum. With my back ground, I would qualify for UK, but I find it a depressing cold grey country, no offence, never imagined myself there.
Where do I see myself? South Africa perhaps, but they don’t have the sort of course I want to do, and theres that whole race issue. Plus for international students you have to pay like four times the amount than local students (in the UK for instance), also making it bloody expensive, especially for my single mum.

Its just a degree. Don’t want to run her broke, she still has my bro to put through school. Okay, you may argue that since she put us through an international school, she must have the money. But I discovered its not exactly the case. I noticed sometime back that we never got invoices for school fees…turns out my dad had signed a contract with the school and paid all school fee’s for my brother and I, till the last class. He’s dead now, so didn’t get a chance to see me graduate. But I owe him my 13/14 years of schooling, even if he died like 6 years ago.

So what now? Scholarships?
Not as easy as it sounds, rarely given out to international student, in the uk, its note even for the whole tuition fee, just a small percentage, and usually you apply in your second year. Plus I don’t want to go there anyways!

To make this worse, my mum is determined on Malaysia.
Malaysia is okay I guess, its just its reputation of accepting people with the worst grades and having very racist Asians especially to blacks that I’m not comfortable with. Also, it has a harsh drug policy. I act like that doesn’t bother me when people bring it up but it doesn’t sit nicely with me. I like my freedom. Want to be able to smoke if I wanna smoke. Not that I smoke. Just saying. And if it has such a bad reputation, whats the point of even studying abroad, if its not to raise ones prestige and increase chances of employment. Might as well study here! Oh, I here Malaysia has too many Ugandans. Not that that bothers me, its just that I don’t want to be automatically put in a group, just because I’m Ugandan, I must be in the Ugandan group.

I dunno, perhaps I’m too picky.
I have the A’s and B’s, even the well rounded resume/cv/personal statement but I guess that’s not enough.
I feel like I was lied too, all that talk on how important grades were was bullshit.
Its so much more complicated than just knowing what I want to be and studying for the grades.

At first I had wanted a gap year, but now I need to get out of the house as soon as possible!
I cant wait for jan intakes, I gotta go this year! And I think I think theres still hope, before i settle for malaysia (grimaces)...

I know I don’t speak German (yet), but the offers for international students are really fair! International students pay the same fees as German students - approximately £850 a year. In the UK, they pay an average of £9,540 a year!! Almost quadruple the amount! WTF!
Also its funny but now I think about it, I know quite a number of Germans, and its always no question with them where to go for university.(BTW, why is it that most biracial people in Uganda are half German? Whats up with that?!)

So anyways, I’ve been asking a lot of questions and doing some research, and think I’m gonna try Germany…preferably somewhere cosmopolitan and nigger friendly, like Munich…anyone with any relevant info on studying in Germany, would be nice to hear what you gotta say! Especially on life there, the stuff they don’t tell you on the websites!
Also wondering whether I should aim for a university or art academy…after all I want a specific course that most traditional universities don’t offer (Visual communication/multimedia art and design- the more experimental and research based the better)…are the awarded certificates the same in the end?

wünschen mir Glück!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Longest week of my life...and its only tuesday!