The New Year...

Instead of setting goals this year, i'm setting a theme for the year, in form of this image on the left.
My theme for 2009 is:

rebirth - I've done a lot of growing this year, and like a bud about to blossom, i want to be reborn...like a caterpillar that’s been developing in its cocoon, its about time i started to peel off the cocoon, and that’s what i wanna do with my life before i spread my petal like wings and soar...metaphors put aside, i want to put all I’ve learnt this year into practice, and that means changing and reinventing myself...
simplicity- despite the complex changes going on in the inside, i want to be as simple and collected as this beautiful oval shaped bud. This year had alot of confusion and chaos, especially in my love life, so i want a bit of stability and simplicity next year with my relationships with people (this includes love, friendship and family).

also, my colour for 2009 is going to be green! a soft young refreshing green like in this bud. It will symbolise me keeping it real and natural (check out the hair ;-)) and simple!

so thats my New Years Theme for 2009 sumed up in a picture!

***

Now, looking back at the year that was;
I will remember 2008 for:
summer love,
drunken nights out,
deceit and Revelations,
University prospectuses,
new glasses,
the inspiration of BARACK OBAMA!!!
i painted my room a deep red (yup all 4 walls!),
deaths and births,
cross roads my and my friends lives,
passion,
adventure,
losing my virginity,
gainig a new out look on life,
the year i quit smoking pot (I've been clean 9months now-not that i was addicted, just had enough),
the year i started my blog!!!
i've gained friends,
and some awards for academic achivement,
joined a Poetry society called the Lantern Meet, i had never shared my poetry with people like that before...

but if i was to sum up 2008 in one word, it would be growth.
it has been quite a colourful year for me, and i have no regrets. looking forward to 2009!

Happy New Years everyone!!

Dreadlock'd up for the new year!

I finally got my dreads done today! After making my mind up earlier on this year, I got them in the end…it wasn’t easy though! But nothing worthwhile ever really is…

I first had to cut off the majority of my treated hair, I didn’t have any such attachment to it, but I must admit, its scary witnessing your hair being chopped off...all those years growing it and with one silent swift snip, the wisps of shinny treated curls that once covered your head are laying limp on the floor, leaving you ‘naked’...I have always thought females with short hair quite brave, they must be very confident in who they are, and how they look, no need for a tousle of hair to crop, hide, sweep, cover their face, distracting the eye from fully taking in their facial features…

Its not the first time I’ve erratically decided to cut my hair. Once when I was a little girl, I decided to cut a chunk of my long natural hair that my nanny and aunties had slaved over to grow. Just like that, without second thought, I decided that I wanted short hair like daddy. lol. actually thinking back, you could question my gender identification and role models (?!?)...
Well, point is, I’ve never felt too bad about cutting my hair, and have had an aesthetic preference for short hair, ever since I was a child...I think its spunky, and hence matches my character quite well, wouldn’t you agree??

Convincing my mum about the dreads the biggest obstacle, because if she doesn’t like the idea, she won’t give me money, and without the money, no dreads! So I went and did my research, pointed out women with dreads who still manage to look smart and orderly, and assuring her that I know all the implications and consequences that come with ‘such hairstyles’, and most importantly I’m not turning Rastafarian!!!

Honestly, Rastafarianism is more than a dreadlock thing, it’s a ‘conception of the heart’ like the song says, and the same goes for dreads, dreadlocks is more than just a Rastafarian thing!

To me, it’s working with what I have, building onto to make myself stronger. Let me break it down for you: I've never had my hair straightened and it lasts long, even with the chemicals, after a week and a good few washes, it starts getting tangled and knotted. I got tired of this, and tired of always braiding (it’s so tight, and I use fake hair when I already got a mass of thick hair, it just didn’t make sense to me) so I decided to work with my kinky mass of super tangled afro hair, instead of work against them.

Also, as I went through my little identity crisis this year, i realized our image of beauty (this goes for African women) is so messed up! All the weaves, extensions, coloring and fake hair just to have long Muzungu/Caucasian hair...why? When there is so much we can do with our natural hair, that is different, but beautiful all the same! Let it be kinky and wild, like our spirits, let it grow rich and dark towards the heavens! (I love South Africans for this, the way they wear thier black hair is so creative and proud)

Metaphorically, taking the knots and kinks in my hair and making them into strong long dreadlocks symbolizes taking the lemons of life and turning them into lemonade! Using those obstacles that life throws at you sometimes to build upon and make yourself stronger.

A great way to start the New Year, right? All dreadlocked up for 2009!
P.S. 1st pic is of me in plaits with my own hair, and second is of me and my dreads! I plan to grow them and make them bigger/thicker as time goes by…

I guess its about time I posted something Christmassy...

Christmas lost meaning to me when I discovered that it is mostly based on a pagan ancient roman winter festival, and that Jesus wasn’t really born on the 25th December, or even any time close to that!

It all started when I discovered Santa was fake, ever since then Christmas never seemed right to me, and after I turned into a teen, my mum could no longer be bothered to keep up the Christmas tradition. Therefore, currently there’s no Christmas tree, no Christmas CD’s or music being played in the background, nothing special planed for the 25th, no gifts, nothing. We might not even go to church!!
LoL

I’m actually spending Christmas at the village, with my grandparents (who were around only a few days ago for some weddings, so it’s not like I can say I’ve missed them…) Despite the lack of city luxuries, I’m looking forward to going. At least I will be getting away from all the Christmas chaos and fakeness of the city, like the annoying promotions they drive around residential areas announcing on megaphones, or the Christmas messages in the media portraying a “white Christmas” while we’re going through one of the hottest months of this year!

And not forgetting the desperation that befalls the less fortunate during this time as they are pressured to provide something more than usual…just the other night my mum found herself surrounded by a group of threatening young men as she was driving home at night. The blocked the road, surrounded the car and tried to open it, luckily all windows were closed and she was locked in. she eventually got out of it by hooting and attracting attention then managed to maneuver her way past them. Such things only happen during Christmas in Uganda. Remember how many people died for various reasons last Christmas, either they were too drunk and fell in a ditch on the way home or were victim to a robbery that went ugly…

In the village, Christmas is a more mellow family orientated day occasion, unlike the crazy hyped commercial Christmas in the city.
We shall most probably be staying at my grandparent’s house, unfortunately our house is being rented out and the cottages at the lake are fully booked. Its strange because I’ve never actually slept at my grandparents house, only visited…at least it will be better than spending the holidays here!!

And just so I don’t seem like a spoil sport, happy holidays to all of you who do celebrate Christmas the traditional way!

(SHE x HE) + ANOTHER = DILEMMA!

SHE loves him, HE loves her more.
No sweeter couple did THEY ever saw.
HIS friends congratulated him,
And OTHERS admired HER,
But No one could touch them whilst in each others arms...
Until HE had to go away to school,
HE promised to call HER everyday.
But the calls couldn't fill in the gapping hole created by HIS absense,
So ANOTHER stepped into the picture,
A friend of HIS, became a lover to HER,
HER new found guilty pleasure.
HE had no idea
SHE was having multiple ideas,
About HIM and ANOTHER…
SHE still loves HIM,
But SHE wants ANOTHER .
And SHE's also gonna have to go away soon,
Away to school too,
Leaving both behind,
THEY all know this...
HE wants to spend HER last days together
ANOTHER wants a chance with HER before she leaves,
SHE loves HIM but is in love with ANOTHER.
What a dilemma SHE’s gotten herself into!
and wonders how to get through it,
Because SHE doesn’t know what to do…

The not so promising holiday's here!

Schools out at last!

This past week has been such a drag! Why is it that time slows down when you eagerly await something, so it seems like it’s taking forever! Well, its here, at last, and my holiday plan includes eating, sleeping, online marathons, watching tv, and going out to get stupid drunk…(I wish!!)
My Mums been possessed these days by some sort of spirit fascist dictator from another era who’s come back to fulfill his dominating fantasies. How can I tell? She’s drastically changed her parenting style to the very oppressive iron fist approach where she’s become supper strict about everything, and changes her mind so fast I’m convinced there is more than one person within in her . Which makes fully indulging myself in the activities mentioned above more difficult than they should be!

Just the other day, it was a Wednesday night I believe, she announced that she was confiscating my modem!! Her reason was that I was ‘addicted’ and she suspected that I was spending the whole all night on the internet when I should be asleep! She’s noticed I’ve been quite fatigued and she thinks that’s the reason, which is sooo (partly) not true!

I’ve been tired because school has been straining me, plus I’ve just recovered from a bad cough and cold, so yeah I have been feeling down, but not cause of the net! In fact most nights I’m too tired to be on it till past 1am! She then mentions that it might affect my grades. Total bullshit! I brought home a straight A report this term, like I always do! I got the modem around a month and a half ago, and if it was affecting my grades as she claims it is, I wouldn’t be getting straight A’s! But what hurts the most is that she doesn’t think I have enough discipline to say enough, let me give the net a rest. Even if I didn’t (which I do) know when to stop, “taking away” the modem won’t solve anything!

Firstly, do you know how pathetic it makes me feel when she says i'm 'addicted', like as if i have no self control and i'm so weak! I wonder if she really thinks of me like that? She has no idea the every day struggles i face and overcome daily!
Secondly, it’s the reason I decide to stay home Saturday nights instead of sneaking out to go party all night and sneak back in in the dark wee hours of the morning!
Thirdly and more seriously, I’ll be out of her iron fist grip in less than a year and when I am who’s gonna stop me? No One at all! So if I don’t learn these boundaries myself, I might end up doing really crazy stuff when I’m older and I will have to learn the hard way! She thinks she’s protecting me? She’s not, she’s making me more valuable to the outside world she’s so desperately trying to shield me from! She’s trying too hard, and when you try too hard to stop or prevent something, it so happens its more likely to happen! What you resist, persists after all! Life is ironic like that!

But she refuses to see my logic. I tried to compromise but in vain, that possession has gotten to her head! At least she’s at work most of the day and isn’t that creative with hiding places so at least I can steal the modem and get lost in the wide world web for a good few hours before they (my mother and the unsettled fascist dictator spirit that’s taken over her body and mind) come home again.

East African Music Vid's

'I want you back' - XOD

OMG I love this song! Its by a Ugandan artist called XOD, and its a total break up/ i-want-you-back song, but not the typical cheesy guy stalking the light skinned video girl with attitude kinda video! That’s why i love it, its so above the typical low budget badly directed Ugandan videos we so used to, so i was totally impressed! I especially loved the stop motion effects and the symbolic imagery, it all added to the concept of the broken relationship...something most of can relate too! Also it doesn’t have the cheesy end where he gets the girl back, i mean who ever does in real life?! he just goes back into the old chest...amazing video!

'All the little things you do-oooh' - Wuhu ft. Bobi Wine

Another video i'm loving! It was shot by the east African group in MTV's making the video competition, which they won! Oh Yeah! And you can see why! The video is really good, once again the mood and atmosphere totally fit with the song! I especially love the golden tint of the video and the close up shots! Though i'm not a big Bobi wine fan (I find the high pitched ragga-inspired random squeals eg going 'gal' in the middle of rumbled lyric irritating) but he's bearable in this song! LOL! I find wuhu really cool though, she won best female i think in the recent MAMA (Mtv Africa Music Awards) recently!

Check them out! What u think?

'Words from a granary'

I got stuck in the library today during the whole lunch break thanks to the sudden tropical rains! Since i wasnt in the mood of getting wet i decided to head to the nearest sheltered area from the cafeteria and thats how i ended up there...

anyways ended up finding this hidden corner of book i've never noticed before full of novels, short stories, poems and plays all written by African writers, most being east African which was rare despite living in East Africa, because most African books are by west Africans (at least the ones i've come across), so it was really interesting!

I ended up borrowing an anthology of short stories by Ugandan female writers called "Words from a granary", and what i found most interesting is the diverse style and content of the stories. At first i thought yeah, they all going to be about animals and ancestors in a folk tale sort of fashion, which i'm not saying is bad or that theres anything wrong with it, after all thats what African literature is usually about but the fact that none of them were like that and didnt fit in that stereotypical genre was what i found most appealing and interesting!

Its a good read, i've read quite a few now and these ladies have talent!

;-)

Been feeling out of sync these days...

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but i know that something is wrong.
I haven’t been myself these past few weeks, and its not just PMS! I've been feeling so tired, and fed up too. I don’t really care as much as i did and i'm totally un motivated and un inspired, not to mention having developed a negative attitude to most things, especially school...

I come home from school and i want to sleep, so i take a nap, and that nap turns into an all nighter and before i know it, its morning, and time to catch the school bus. Last night i fell asleep and had locked the upstairs door, so my mum couldn’t get in, they tired waking me up, knocking on the door loudly, shouting my name calling me, but i couldn’t wake up. She eventually had to break in! I sleep all night and can’t get up in the morning, and again in the evening i feel sleepy again!

This has really taken a toll on my academics, because i just can’t be bothered to do work anymore! Currently so much work has built up, and i know i should do it yet i don’t feel that alarm and urgency, and so i don’t end up doing the work. Or i may start it but not complete it!
I also can’t be bothered with getting involved in school activities. Last Friday i was meant to help with a food sale during the annual school production, but i just didn’t have the energy to do so. Though i did contribute food, i didn’t stay long to help...like i usually do!

I feel like i'm tired of school, and home life is just bad. My beloved younger brother is very ill, currently he's admitted into hospital and has spent the whole weekend there. I haven't been out in so long that some of my friends 'crazy-fun-night-out' stories are starting to get to me. I have a writers/creativity block and despite the urge to i haven’t been able to write or draw anything i've liked for various reasons. I miss my boyfriend so much at times and others i wish he wouldn’t love me so much. I feel like i have no real friends and no one to talk to, and i feel like i want to cry sometimes but i have no tears. On top of everything my mother thinks i'm intoxicated with something due to my recent fatigue-ness, but i'm so sober its depressing! Am i depressed?

I hate that term, and think its silly for people to say 'i'm depressed', after all, its all in the mind, right? Well now that i might be d e p r e s s e d , it doesn’t sound so silly to me. but i don’t think i really am depressed. i must be physically sick or something, yet i doubt going for a check-up will seriously help. Ugandan Clinics are not the most efficient!
Unless..i may be depressed unconsciously...now that’s something to think about!
Is that even possible? and why would i be depressed? things could be worse and i know it! I must be sick...or not...i don’t know!
But life seems to have darkened for me these days!

I've been enchanted by the beautiful night sky of recent, especially the two stars opposite the crecent shaped moon...somehow looked like the islam symbol of the moon and star above, actually got me wondering why they chose that as the symbol...
Anyway, after some research i found out that what i've been looking at was venus and jupiter, (venus being the brightest one and directly above the crecent moon-just like in the islam sign)! plus it will be another 24 years or so till we see these two planets again so close! amazing huh? take a look tonight, wherever you are, and if that happens to be in east africa i can see how you can miss it in the dark night sky...

theres just something magical about astronomy!

Back from camping / World AIDS Day

Got back from my annual class camping trip, and it was quite fun! Went to Lake Mburo and saw loads of animals ranging from hippos to buffalos and even zebras, which are now my favorite animal! The socializing part was not that great! Maybe its because I have it in my head that I’m leaving high school soon that now my class mates seem really boring! Sure I socialized, but cant say I had any meaningful or really funny conversations at all…
Overall though it was quite fun, especially the game walk and drive, oh and playing monster hunter 2 on psp on the way back! Lol



On a more important note, yesterday was WORLD AIDS DAY!! Watched a number of interesting mini documentaries, and though tired from the long road trip home, slept on a contemplative note, especially about the pressures and trends of sex on my generation today, I mean its everywhere, in the music, the commercials, books, movies…abstinence is close to impossible for the youth of today!…should go for an AIDS test one of these days, not cause I don’t know my status but to say I have and do support the fight against AIDS!
Be aware and stay alive people! Hope you had a safe world aids day!
One Love