Sunday, December 7, 2008

Been feeling out of sync these days...

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but i know that something is wrong.
I haven’t been myself these past few weeks, and its not just PMS! I've been feeling so tired, and fed up too. I don’t really care as much as i did and i'm totally un motivated and un inspired, not to mention having developed a negative attitude to most things, especially school...

I come home from school and i want to sleep, so i take a nap, and that nap turns into an all nighter and before i know it, its morning, and time to catch the school bus. Last night i fell asleep and had locked the upstairs door, so my mum couldn’t get in, they tired waking me up, knocking on the door loudly, shouting my name calling me, but i couldn’t wake up. She eventually had to break in! I sleep all night and can’t get up in the morning, and again in the evening i feel sleepy again!

This has really taken a toll on my academics, because i just can’t be bothered to do work anymore! Currently so much work has built up, and i know i should do it yet i don’t feel that alarm and urgency, and so i don’t end up doing the work. Or i may start it but not complete it!
I also can’t be bothered with getting involved in school activities. Last Friday i was meant to help with a food sale during the annual school production, but i just didn’t have the energy to do so. Though i did contribute food, i didn’t stay long to help...like i usually do!

I feel like i'm tired of school, and home life is just bad. My beloved younger brother is very ill, currently he's admitted into hospital and has spent the whole weekend there. I haven't been out in so long that some of my friends 'crazy-fun-night-out' stories are starting to get to me. I have a writers/creativity block and despite the urge to i haven’t been able to write or draw anything i've liked for various reasons. I miss my boyfriend so much at times and others i wish he wouldn’t love me so much. I feel like i have no real friends and no one to talk to, and i feel like i want to cry sometimes but i have no tears. On top of everything my mother thinks i'm intoxicated with something due to my recent fatigue-ness, but i'm so sober its depressing! Am i depressed?

I hate that term, and think its silly for people to say 'i'm depressed', after all, its all in the mind, right? Well now that i might be d e p r e s s e d , it doesn’t sound so silly to me. but i don’t think i really am depressed. i must be physically sick or something, yet i doubt going for a check-up will seriously help. Ugandan Clinics are not the most efficient!
Unless..i may be depressed unconsciously...now that’s something to think about!
Is that even possible? and why would i be depressed? things could be worse and i know it! I must be sick...or not...i don’t know!
But life seems to have darkened for me these days!

6 comments:

HektikLyfe said...

Sounds like you just lack energy. From this energy you could develop incentive to complete tasks and go through your days.

Some people would try improved diet and exercise. Others try motivation reading that could teach you to find the beauty in daily life. Others like religion to feed off.

Whatever you try, do it quickly before it DOES become a depression and some wack job puts you on addictive drugs.

Me? I set little goals for myself. Once I accomplish them I feel better. The human brain needs to feel a sense of accomplishment in a life full of monumental seemingly impossible tasks. Have a hiking trail nearby? Invite some friends and over a weekend, hit the trail and stomp through it.

Have a bicycle? Ride near a pier. Like photography, go camping.

Good luck!

philo-so-far said...

hmmm...only advice i can offer is wat i do when in ur frame of mind...
1.i get off my lazy butt and force myself do an activity that i like,but havnt done in a while. e.g jogging,soccer
2.i take a long evening walk n just admire nature and talk to Providence.and watch the sunset
3.get on the net and cause controversy and tick off guys(highly unrecommended/recommended-depending on ur perspective of things)

jny23ug said...

I can feel yo pain.
Have no advise but simply pray
yu get back to normal pretty soon.
i like yo blog too.

Ugandan girl said...

Am loving this blog...me when i feel like that i just want to go home and talk to my dad...though he doesnt do much must of the time he just makes me angry...lol...thats my cycle..anyway no advise here just that you will get through this.....you gat this...xx

eizzy.k said...

Hekitik - thanks, its like your a deep pool of knowledge! You’re comments and suggestions are always refreshing! will do some more research on ways to boost energy levels (the healthy way of course) LoL

Philo - thanks man, i already did your first suggestion and it really did work! I wrote a poem, check out what i came up with in my In The Middle blog, its called 'down the drain'

Jny23UG- ah thanks 4 the empathy! i guess i'm not the only one who feels depressed sometimes for no apparent reason!

Ugandan Girl- I'm loving your blog too! Thanks for the encouragement! Unfortunately i dont have a dad to bug...and my mum bites!

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