What a strange past week it has been for me! A lot has been going on in my life and with no one I can really talk to, or time to lavishly spend on blogging whenever I feel like, I’ve decided to have a bit of a rant once in a while. Just let it all out, in no particular order. Self therapy at its best! Each of the following colud be a blog entry of its own, hence the sub titles…lol.
1) I just never learn when it comes to retards! >>I had an odd visitor today, out of the blue kind of thing! Some one came to call me claiming some unknown dude was looking for me. I go to the window and don’t recognize the mysterious figure at the gate, and he didn’t look interesting mysterious, he looks like Go Away I don’t Know or want to know you mysterious. Anyways I went checked who it was. It turned out to be an “OB” (as he called himself) named Ceazer. He used to be in my class in year 9/senior 4. He was mentally disabled and I was one of the few people who treated him like a normal guy. I was nice. So apparently he had moved into the neighborhood and heard I lived here so he came to visit. Why me? Baba (another “OB”) lives just up the hill but noooo, he chose me!
I always have this problem with mentally disabled people. I’m nice to them, unlike everybody else, and as a result the end up “falling in love” with me or I become their “best-est friend”! Do you know what that can do to your reputation? Especially in the merciless-trivial-gossip-riddled-superficial social circles of high school! Plus I never felt like I was friends with these people, I just pitied them so I was nice (It’s just easier for me to be nice than cruel). Well now I know why people are never that nice to mentally retarded people…Luckily I pretended I wasn’t me and said I would pass on the message to ‘her’. Next time he comes around I’d have ‘moved houses’ or ‘gone to boarding school’. Hey, what’s a girl to do??
2) Kill Me Quick>> My delve into African literature continues! I borrowed another book today; a novel this time by Meja Mwangi (Kenyan guy) called ‘Kill Me Quick’. The opened the book and was immediately asserted with this:
Days run out for me,
Life goes from bad to worse
I was already hooked! This frank simple yet striking use of language and tone carries through in the rest of the novel, at least the first two chapters I have read, and I love it. Such modern African literature is very refreshing to me, as I am used to old British novels and plays one is forced to study in Literature at school. Somebody should change those books on the syllabus already, eish!! Anyways this tiny book (its only 151 pages and is like a small notebook) seems to have some good reading in store for me. I think I will have to start a regular book review soon…
3) Hazy left eye>> The left lens of my glasses keeps popping out! This first happened today when I sneezed. I opened my eyes and my vision was distorted in one eye, I thought there for a split second I had sneezed my left eye out! LoL, apparently this is possible, if you sneeze with your eyes open…lol. Anyways I seriously need to get them fixed. Properly. I just wonder how the screw became loose in the first place though…I guess it just shows everything is always constantly moving. I call it the rhythm of earth, of life, inanimate objects are forced to vibrate a little too…You cant fight the beat baby! LoL
4) Creepy coincident>> Yesterday was my late Aunts birthday, she died of liver cancer or some other alcohol abuse associated complication. She was the black sheep of the family on my mums side. It happened to be on this day that my brother was caught high off weed at home. He’s the new black sheep of the family, according to my mother. This wasn’t the first time its happened though, but it was as emotionally stressing on all of us. My mother was in tears, My aunt giving threatening suggestions of sending my brother ‘away’ and me frustrated and on the verge of tears at the thought of them sending my only beloved blood brother away! The lingering awareness of my late tragic aunt made the situation that more grave. But these things always happen in my family. My dad for instance died on my uncles birthday, an uncle who has also come close to death due to alcohol abuse. There’s a traceable pattern of the presence of death on birthdays. Like its almost cautioning those with reckless lives…I wonder what creepy coincident will happen on one of my birthdays…
5) I was meant to ride solo, they just bring me down!>> I hate doing group assignments these days at school! I tend to get stuck with the group of unserious students who couldn’t care less about the assignment or are easily distracted from the task at hand or are just in efficient which totally hinders the key strengths of group work! Its frustrating to be stuck in such groups! I cant be bothered to motivate them either because i wasn’t elected group leader, no one was. At this stage we should all be mature enough to function as a group, together. I used to end up doing the whole project myself, however now I just don’t give a shit! I do my own thing...could the problem be with me??
6) School Sucks>> I’m still totally unmotivated to revise and do work! I don’t know what it is, but I need to get back on track…exams arnt that far off. I hear the mock time table is out, haven’t seen it yet but I hope when I do it instills good-old-fashioned-work-ethic-based-on-the-fear-of-failure. I need something to give me a push…anything!
7) Still at the crossroads of life>> I’ve been thinking about m future this week, and I’m still confused on what exactly I want to do. But at least I have a plan for 2009/10. I’m basicly planning to go to Malaysia and do an art foundation degree. Why?
· I’m tired of books and traditional academics. A year drawing and painting sounds pretty damn good to me!
· I will meet a lot of fellow Ugandans there. This is key because I fear coming back from university and not having any friends here. I don’t want to to be out of touch. Most of my high school friends will be all over the world (disadvantage of being in an international school) and It would be awkward trying to make friends when I’m out of university, I mean most life friends are made in university, and they are the constant and realizable friends in ones adult life. Where would I even start? A bar? At work? Chat up strangers at Nandos? Aha I think not…
· Its cheap. I don’t want to break my over worked single mother paying tuition for me in the UK where they charge international students quadruple the amount UK citizens pay to go to university. Its not fair. I’d rather go to university in Africa…
· Its warm and has beautiful coast. This appeals greatly to the tropical girl I am!
· It’s a good way to buy time and really think over what I want to pursue as a career, but without having to be idle. I also get to create a professional portfolio, which gives me opportunities to further study art if the wind blows me in that direction.
8) Mrs. Lonely>> I feel so lonely these days hence the long detailed disjointed blog entry today! Since there is no one really to listen to me rant and rave and procrastinate, apart from my blog. I can’t talk to my boyfriend because we are in such different states of mind, conditions/situations, as well as locations, he wouldn’t get what I was talking about. I’ve tried, it ended up just being frustrating. More signs of the breakdown of communication between us, a red warning light in relationships. I cant talk to my family, there are dealing with enough issues as it is. I cant talk to my school friends, I just get the feeling that they don’t give a damn. You know, they type you can just have fun with, but not really bond with. I cant talk to my online buddies due to the simple fact that the ones I enjoy chatting to are never online when I am. Bad timing I guess. I cant talk to other friends eg. HIM, because he has hidden motives. I know he wants me, so I have to be careful what I say to him because such personal information can be dangerous in the hands of the wrong person…so I turn to you. Just wish you could talk back sometimes… *Sad smile*
9) UGH MTN!!! >> My MTN mobile internet is driving me up the wall! The connection is ever crashing, and chronically slow, especially when I need it most. Technology is a bitch!
10) Blazed Sunday>> I got high last Sunday afternoon. I know, I’m slipping…I wrote a funny blog entry though that evening, I didn’t manage to post it though…go figure! Hahahahigh! Will post it this Sunday…Just for laughs…